Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
