i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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