Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
