I could have mohawked her pubes.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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