You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
