good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
