I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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