The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
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i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
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this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
my penis made a compromise with my morals
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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