i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
