Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Farmville is her only friend.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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