Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
