Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I've blown a few things in my day
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
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