Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
