eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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