Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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