i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
