he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
