she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
