Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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