Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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