thus making me awesome and them whores
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
