Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
