I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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