Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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