He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
