I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize