I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
