how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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