im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
