I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
