So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
