guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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