In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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