it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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