I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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