my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
