I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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