hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
