this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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