I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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