Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
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Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
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I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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