I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
