i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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