But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
