If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
