You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
