apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
