went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
