Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
my liver is dry heaving
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
