I need help removing her.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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