I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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