you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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