I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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