party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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