Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
