Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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