when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
