if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
this is an emotional support booty call
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
