what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
