Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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