I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Randomize
