The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
