DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
