he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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