How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
