You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
