your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
