bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
