Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
